Politeness - main background theme of this blog - aside: I've had it with personals! You know, the ads where someone is either "desperately seeking" company of either the platonic or the sexual kind, or both, or simply testing the relational waters, non-intenseness being paramount. (
I suppose it's important to convince oneself one can't be desperate in such matters.) I don't partake of these much as a rule, but have been doing more so recently, due to, well, desperation. Well, no more. The middle of my life is just past, and, yes, I suppose that's a crisis. But the crisis will now play itself out in person, and no longer via e-mail, SMS or letter. So there.
What I somehow don't take well is women not being able to tell me they've made a snap decision not to meet me, even when the moment of making the decision lies several weeks back. There are two standard paths they will take, in my experience: (i) Simple ignoral, and the justified hope they'll never get to meet you in person, accidentally, later; (ii) due to some degree of civility, briefly answering missives, asking them to make clear whether they no longer want to be bothered, with couched refusals, i.e. "yes, I still want to meet, but you call me and set the date". In the second case, when you follow that up, you get to talk to the voice mail, so the other side can size your voice up for a final confirmation of the already felled decision. Then you get an SMS saying no, but it isn't "your fault" or not to take it personally.
The strategy I'd been following since about a year or so, of making clear from the beginning that a first meeting can take place later - "let's get to know one another at a distance first" - didn't work, either. It's slow
, it's uncool, so it must not be suggested. (Suggesting it already leads to a demerit in the great page of likely lads every woman keeps in the back of her Poesiealbum
I suppose life is full of snap decisions made about others, without taking any time to found those decisions. I do it, too. I admit that. It's more comfortable than possibly "wasting time". It's part of the urban quick-change mentality, and that's the way most of us grew up.
But such decisions are, by the very nature of their unpreparedness to find out the truth, always personal. Subjective.
As a rule, life is impolite. Perhaps I should just let that teeth-gnashing part of my character grow the way it wants to, and go with the flow...
Here the rant endeth.