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Posts tagged with "Surreal Radio - X Zone"

Profitability Is ... Transcript 1

Thursday, 15. March 2007, 22:24:04

- Ha, ha, ha. Dear all welllllcome to yet another Surrrreal radio show straight from the sublime of our author.

Tonight we'll jump ahead of our time and speak with the founder of a philosophy that will change our world as we know it.

Mr. Usethemall how did you conceive the "last action"?

- Well, it was a hot summer afternoon when I was talking with my grandpa. Poor guy was a physical wreck but what hurt him more was that he felt useless. He wanted so much to be, you know, active again. To play in the game.

I felt his pain but no matter how hard I was trying I couldn't find how he could be useful again instead of being, you know, a weight for the society. You see, I'm obsessed with productivity, boosting profitability. I can't stand stagnation. Let your workers calm down and your business will die. Un-acce-pta-ble!

And then, while watching TV and thinking about how this great machinery is based on spectacle to move the world, it came to me. Next afternoon I roughly presented to him what was to be known as "last action" or "nothing to lose" theory which is really simple. There are so much to fight for and publicity will both make both your fight and mass media more profitable. That's old-good-tested shit but there was the defect that few youngsters would play the game - lots to loose for them. But, how about the elderly? ... I still remember the spark in his eyes. He was feeling alive again. He said "you're right son - time to do my duty". He got up, walked out of the garden and next time we saw him was on TV. He had the same spark in his eyes and he was yelling some old Japanese Kamikaze shit as he was pulling the string.

- That's wonderful Mr.Usethemall, your theory will make the world a much more interesting place. After all profitability is all about making profit.

- Oh, thank you

- Fuck you.

- Oh, you think that will be profitable?

- Five Euros for your ass.

- OK.

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4 comments

Creativity Is ... Transcript 1

Saturday, 26. August 2006, 15:48:53

- Good evening ladies and gentlemen. This asshole ZeroG* tried hard to block us out. Yet, if his mind is the Matrix, then we are its hackers. Yet another legendary broadcast of Surrrrreal Rrrrrrradio destined to make this blog an ultimate never-been-there place just begins (clap, clap, clap).

For this night's show we have Mr. tacS, the man that owns and operates the most successful blog in Solar System. Mr. tacS you are already a legend. Your hosting company took a dozen extra servers to satisfy the ever increasing demand for your blog, several books are being written about you, google begs for a link on your page, you are considered a national hero back in your small country and the list goes on and on. Please tell us a few words about how this all began.

- Well, I thought that it would be nice if I kept connected the ideas of the posts with the special conditions that gave birth to them. That way my readers would be able to somehow share more than just some thoughts. They’d be able to actually feel the whole atmosphere at the time the idea was formulated in my brain.

The idea was good but where can you find mindstorming conditions that are concurrently universal and productive? I mean I couldn’t write about the ideas that emerge during a heavy rainfall ‘cause that would leave Sub-Saharan readers untouched. This question was revolving in my brain for days until the solution came in a self-apocalyptic way. The place was my home toilet and the action was the universal action of shiting.

You see, it is true that most of my finest ideas come at this very place during this very action and that holds for almost everyone.

The scheme was simple but unbelievably successful. Whenever I’d went to the toilet I’d hold on to the best idea that came to me and later on transform it to a post that’d be accompanied by a photo of what caused it and with a memo of what I’d eaten the previous day.

And that was it. Next month Life called me for an interview.

- Brilliant indeed. What are your future plans?

- Well, there are many people that want to work with me such as famous chefs and several sanitary ware brands but what I’m really up to is bringing the whole deed to a new level with the aid of the video blog technology.

- Whoa! This is more than brilliant! Thank you for honoring Surreal Radio Mr. tacS. Dear listeners, it seems to me that creativity is an unstoppable bulldoze. Either drive it or stay the fuck away of it.


* Kiss you public face goodbye sucker! (ha ha ha ha - what? He's awake? Shit! Shut this down now.)

Image Credit

9 comments

Love Is ... Transcript 5

Friday, 4. August 2006, 19:19:41

- Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen. Ha ha. Yes. We're still here. Transmitting from the depths of an almost ignorant human mind your favorite Surrreal Rrrrrradio zone X!
(clap clap clap)
Our guest for tonight will be Mrs Authentic, or should I call you former Mrs Authentic?

- I guess so, you see our divorce papers will be ready one of these days.

- Tell us. Why do you get a divorce after 5 years of a happy marriage?

- Well, it was indeed a happy marriage. We loved, cared and tried the best for each other. We had a beautiful home and nice jobs. We even planned for kids next year.

Yet, there was a little something in the bedroom air. He seemed somewhat bored when it came to having sex with me. Not that it wasn't good or that he didn't seem to enjoy it but there was a certain something. A certain luck of the spark that was there in the past...

At some time, we had an open conversation about the matter. There wasn't anything that I didn't expect. I was still his one and only but he was a little bored having sex with the same body of mine. It wasn't that I had something wrong. You see, I'm considered a very attractive woman but boredom has nothing to do with how great a situation is. It is, anyhow, invited by the lack of variety.

After some serious thinking I proposed a solution. I couldn't change my body so I had to enter a different body to satisfy him. Yet, science is not that advanced to allow body migrations so I had to do it the old fashioned way. We'd hire a girl with a body of my husband's liking and tutor her to react and think like me. That way, he would get his variety while he would still having sex with as much me as possible.

Finding a girl was easy. My husband chose a body quite sexy but totally different than mine. Tutoring her to be me took some weeks but the result was remarkable. She became so me that you could easily confuse which one you were talking to.

Then the big night came. I was set to watch bedroom through a double mirror. There was too much eroticism in the air. My husband almost came when the girl walked naked towards him, speaking the words I had been telling him all these years. Sex, was terrific. Just the way we did things at the beginning of our relationship. I too, was hot, in a weird way. It was like being here and there at the same time. A concurrent spectator and participant. Then he suddenly destroyed everything with just one phrase.

- What was it?

- "Yes, yes, lick it babe, yes, yeeees, ohhh Sisty I'm cominnnnnn!!!"

- Who the hell is Sisty?

- My twin sister.

- Oh...ha ha, ehm, it seems that for some people love is an endless quest for a big family.



Image Credit

4 comments

Love Is ... Transcript 4

Saturday, 29. July 2006, 11:36:16

- Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Here we are for another legendary broadcast of Surrrrreal Rrrrrrradio! (clap, clap, clap). For this night's show we have Mrs. Show who's gonna say her victorious love story. Mrs. Show, we're all ears...

- Thank you for calling me to you show Mr. X Zone. I wouldn't want to waste your precious time so I'll be brief.

I had quite a few relationships till Blush. Some of them where better than the others but none was good enough to last. You see, they gave me everything they got too fast, too soon. So, I couldn't maintain my interest in a relationship for long enough. After a while mystery was gone and soon after that I was gone too. Some times I wanted to tell my mate to keep something from me, to let Me find out but, alas, they all seemed to be so calmed and easy with me that they told and show me everything.

I was really disappointed till that day in the park. I was sitting on a bench crying after yet another breaking up. I was totally convinced that I had reached the end, that I'd never maintain a relationship and that I was destined to live and die alone. Then I saw Blush. He was slowly strolling amidst the trees towards me, oblivious of my presence. He was really handsome in his black overcoat and he had a certain melancholy over him. Suddenly he took notice of my presence and he seemed struck by it. He stood still, five steps away from me with his hands in his pockets, looking at me with his great sweet sad eyes. He stood there for a whole five minutes till he abruptly opened his overcoat to show me his erected penis. Five whole minutes! I instantly knew that was a man that could wait to show what he's got and could keep mystery alive.

We married the same night and every night since, I see a little bit more of him but never enough to be bored.

- It seems that for some people, love is a constant battle for ignorance . Thank you Mrs. Show.

4 comments

Love Is ... Transcript 3

Sunday, 23. July 2006, 09:04:22

- Sometimes, I still don't believe that we didn't end up married. Everything was perfect. There was communication, great romantic sex, even greater fetish sex, gifts, anniversaries, meeting with mommies and daddies, coffee making, tears over breathtaking making ups after rocking fights before animal sex, watching porn together, going to parties together, leaving parties together, laughing, going to marches, kissing amidst lachrymals hell, forgetting the marches and building great careers, sex in each other's office, movies, weird stroking in movies, talking about kids, rejecting kids, sex shopping therapy, vacations together, watching matches together, sharing ice creams, sharing food, sharing friends... There was everything.

Until one day it was over. He said I didn't stimulate his brain enough. I didn't know enough. God, I felt so embarrassed. So void. Everything ended in a couple of minutes. He was gone.

Next thing I learned, he got married to Wikipedia. He is stuck 24/7 in front of his screen and reading. Well, I feel a lot of better after that. I mean I couldn't compete. Better for both of us.

- Well you can say that for some people love is an endless quest for knowledge.








Credit: Image.

3 comments

Love Is ... Transcript 2

Monday, 17. July 2006, 20:24:39

- Ladies and Gentlemen let's welcome our guest for tonight. Clap clap clap. Hallo Mr. Loner. Have a seat. Do you feel OK? You seem pale.
- No, no. I'm fine dear hostess thank you. Publicity just draws my blood off my head.
- So, tell us your erotic tragedy. How come such a handsome man is alone?
- Oh, it wasn't always like this. You see I was concurrently in love with three women.
- Oh, I see, and they found out about each other and left you.
- No, no! You see I'm the kind of man that keeps things straight. They all knew. Yet love is like Highlander. In the end there must be only one (ta da daaam). But I couldn't decide nor could they find a solution until they came up with a proposal.
- Which was?
- A contest. A simple contest for them. The winner would get me for a life.
- What kind of contest?
- Well, you may find it a bit of a cliché but it was based on which of them could give me the most and all other being equal there was only erotic pleasure left to compete. So they thought of a timing handjob contest. They would take circular turns trying to make me come and each one would have a minute to do her job. The one that made me come would be the winner.
- Sure a bit cliché but so romantic. It reminds me of Renaissance, ahhh. So? How did it go?
- Awfully. It didn't even start. I was so hot with the idea that I came before anyone touched me. And according to the rules I was left with what best pleasured me. My mind.
- Oh. I see. Well, you could say that love is an endless struggle against time.

4 comments

Love Is ... Transcript 1

Sunday, 9. July 2006, 08:25:58

- How did it happen?
- I was alone for a long time so I didn’t think twice when I saw the advertisement. I just went to the indicated place.
- What was it about?
- It was a call for 69. A side festivity of the big roman orgy revival.

- A ha. So, how did it go.
- Well I was the 68th to come and I wasn’t very thrilled with the previous 67. Then came him and he was awesome. Like nothing I’d seen so far. I managed to get near him just before he was completely nude. We stared each other and it was love at first sight. We begun making love and everything was so perfect. He was the best man I’ve ever met. So sweet, so gentle, so romantic. He made feel like a queen and I wanted to make him feel like a King. So soon after I set off to do him the sexiest blow job I’ve ever done. I was planning to keep it on for hours. To make him forget his name if you know what I mean. So, amidst the whole orgy, I started blowing and blowing and he kept on moaning and moaning for about an hour when, out of the blue, he exploded. It really freaked everybody out. He burst out like a balloon. Parts and pieces all over the room. And it made such a terrible boom that everyone got out and started running from what they thought were a terrorist attack. I lost senses and when I came to again the reality hit me like a truck. He was dead for good and police claimed the last part oh him which I was still holding…
- Oh, I’m really sorry. Now what are your plans?
- Well I can’t hope to find another one like him but I’ll just keep on looking.
- You’d better because love is an endless quest of endurance against pressure.



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