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Posts tagged with "personal"

30 Candles In My Ass

Sunday, 25. March 2007, 00:15:21

(PARENTAL ADVISORY - TOO MANY CURSES AND OBSCENE IMAGES MAY FOLLOW - KEEP YOUR CHILDREN ASLEEP)

So, its my birthday. Not just a usual birthday, though. Earth has revolved around the Sun exactly 30 full times since I set foot on it. Humans´ obsession with the decimal metric system magnifies the importance of certain numbers and fucking 30 is one of them.

So, I´m three revolutions before I reach Jesus age when it will be a good age to die and resurrect (or maybe die trying to resurrect).

I´m 30 years old and seriously pissed off. It seems like everyone is saying ¨OK - fun time´s up - now it´s gonna be family, kids, a stupid dog and lots of work¨...and it all sounds like death and I don´t know if that´s compatible with my design for a life. As for the later, I´ve been frantically searching every drawer in my mind for a life-plan thing and I found nothing. It must be in that empty section under the name ¨maturity¨.

Maturity. What a goal really. Wanna reach it? Fucking simple dude. First start reducing options to two. Then pick one of the alternatives, stick with it and pretend that it´s the right one. Maturity means saying a yes or no answer to questions that can be answered with neither. I can´t play this game though. So, if 30 was a maturity milestone I missed it, sorry.

I´m 30 years old and I have no fucking idea what I want to do with my life or how to live it in order to be ready for the Nietzschean daemon. If the fucker appeared right now, maybe you -yes, you- and simcity would be tempting enough to choose eternal recurrence. Gee, man. There´s something rotten there because up to now I´ve led a perfectly normal westerner life - or maybe that´s exactly what is wrong.

It feels like I didn´t do enough. Didn´t study enough, didn´t create enough, didn´t fuck enough, didn´t laugh enough, didn´t fight enough. Which is another way to say that little if anything of all I´ve done reached my heart which -deny it if you can- sounds really like a westerner. A certain chasm between the person who lives in the world and the person inside. This other whom I´ve lost contact with and who knows everything about my life-plan.
...
So, I´m 30 years old, sea is rough, I have no map, the captain is nowhere to be found and 30 candles are a serious pain in my ass. And this post is so cliché. Isn´t it?

17 comments

5 Things About Me

Wednesday, 27. December 2006, 00:27:38

So, Capegirl tagged me and now I'll have to stand up and say 5 things about me. Um...OK, here we go,

1. I'm afraid I'm a chocolate addict since I've been eating at least one chocolate per day for the past 1 year. (Various kinds but I usually prefer black with almonds.)

2. I still haven't found a place to call home in the sense that wherever I am I think to myself that it is just temporary. (But I still believe that I'll know Home as soon as I see it.)

3. When I was in kinder garden I threw a rock to my teacher. Why I did so still remains a mystery to me and the best explanation that I've heard is about a stray demon that stayed for a while in my head while trying to find his/her way home. (Oh, don't worry, I missed her, she's still alive and kicking.)

4. I intentionally loose touch with my ex'es and I never want to see again any of them or hear any news of them but I hope from the depths of my dark heart that they are as happy as they can get. (Do I need a shrink?)

5. I feel a bit shit about shooting Christmas and I really miss the feeling of the spirit which hasn't visited me since I was a kid. (I definitely need a shrink, huh?)

...

And now my tags go to
Allan
Leif
Dillon
Sarah
Maria

(Hey, that was fun. Maybe we should also start a Trivial Pursuit or something :D)

Hope You All Smile (and have a nice holiday among people who love you)

26 comments

The Time Is...

Saturday, 2. December 2006, 23:36:45

... exactly 171 shooting stars, or one year, just after the time of the creation of this blog. I know it would be of high poetic value to commit suicide now but I won't do it. I'll just go with orbiting around you as much as I can because its much more fun. :smile:

Big thanks to all the people who came by, during this first year, and kept this mental spaceship up into orbit.

HYS (Hope You Smile)



(My photo kindly borrowed from here)

3 comments

Migraines, Vitamins And Mickey

Tuesday, 5. September 2006, 19:11:21

,

They have been precise at their appointments. Every weekend. Ever since I got a job.

I call them "migraine smurfs". At first its just a small annoyance somewhere behind my eyes. They must be some kind of vanguard. They check if everything is OK and then they whistle to their friends who swarm my mind. Then I throw my painkillers into the party and the battle begins.

Meanwhile I manage to go for a coffee and see a friend or two (even though they seem a bit fuzzy with all that battle going on inside my head).

Later on my painkillers are dead on the ground having caused several smurfs losses. Yet, smurfs start reorganizing themselves and this is the critical point for our battle. At that point I throw in a second army of painkillers, whisper to their ears that they can be as violent as they wish and I go to sleep. I wanna dream of the mayhem they'll cause. I wanna dream that they'll finish the bastards once and for all.

Meanwhile I'm being a creative General. I'm always on the look for new weapons.

That's how I recruited a Vitamin pack and a Mickey Mouse magazine. I guess it was one let's-hug-the-kid-in-me phase that lead to Mickey. As for the Vitamins, they are old comrades of mine but I won't call for them unless I feel really boned.

Anyway. Just for the record. Mickey was a total failure. I got pissed off by seeing uncle Scrooge's meanness, Mickey's short eyed vision of good and bad, Goofy's outrageous stupidity, Daisy’s bitchiness and all the stupid ethics between the lines. Furthermore the stories were so off-handedly written and with no inspiration whatsoever. Just bullshit to fill the pages.

Vitamins on the other hand seemed to do what they had to do. Thanks comrades. I feel like a 21st century normal human being again. Run on pills.

5 comments

C' Est La Vie

Saturday, 2. September 2006, 14:21:46

Autumn, my favorite season, is coming. This means nice colors, nice raindrops and less heat.

Someone I knew is in hospital. He had a serious accident with his motorbike (I hate motorbikes). His condition is serious and all I can do is praying (which I doubt whether it is any good since I'm not much of a religious guy).

An aunt of mine is in hospital too, sent there by smoking. This reminds me that I should quit before I get a bed there too.

Greece beat USA in mundobasket and USA embassy people hung a display that said "congratulations Greece". All lights were closed. I've seen displays around the embassy before but this was the first time a saw a display inside the embassy.

Placebo, one of my favorite groups, are playing in Tuesday but I won't go because I have to do some money saving and I'll be probably working at the time they will sing "babyyyy did you forget to take your meds?" (yes, I did).

A kitten I like turned out to be "she" when we all had been believing that it would be a "he" which I found very cute but it causes a naming problem. We'll probably work around it by making up a byname of its originally male name.

Party was nice but we hardly knew anyone and I was feeiling a bit weird with all this paragraphs turning inside my head. Anyway. A., I wish you the best (yet next time I'd like to do some DJing too).

It may seem that the above paragraphs don't fit but they must somehow fit as they were lived by the same person. The glue that connects them is the post title phrase (even if I suspect that that's yet another human made tool for madness-proffing our lives).


Image is a screenshot from the movie "The Fog". I didn't like the movie much but I did like this screenshot and if you think that it doesn't fit in here I'll remind you that "C' est la vie".

5 comments

Porsche

Monday, 26. June 2006, 18:41:03

, ,

When I see you in your Porsche
The dream of every boy that has laid his eyes on TV
You pass by, like floating on the road, so easy, so majestic
In your red, red Porsche you look like an ancient Greek God on his chariot
All tanned from your vacations and with this look
This something in your eyes that implies a slight boredom
Mixed with an icy certainty that leaves crystals behind you
Like an airplane that flies among common mortals
In a cloud of pheromones

Glory is the name of your genes
Winning is the only outcome to whatever you do
Life is a jungle but you are a king
A majestic lion that rules savanna
Such a shame that even you will die
Oh, no I don’t even want to think about it

Oh, when I see you in your Porsche I just loose my words
I just can’t stand that much gentility
My mind becomes numb
I close my eyes and they become a cinema wall
And a camera starts to project slides as you step on it

Scenes totally inappropriate to the nobility of the circumstance
Like the grandma living next door that didn’t have to pay for a tomato today
Or the guy that works nightshift at Mac Donalds reading Eratosthenes to remind him of university
Or the poor bastard that bought a consumer loan to taste a bit of your everyday glory
Or worst of all, a scene where you walk with a Porsche in your ass
God damned camera!
…
I tell you. Few of us can stand that much elegance and you must be one of the chosen ones
So run, go to where gods like you go to

6 comments

Void Me Not

Thursday, 22. June 2006, 20:57:29

, ,

I'm just a pointer
Living in your memory
The true reason for I exist
Just pointing your linked list

No matter where
No matter where I might point
It'll be a block in your space
That draws a smile upon my face

I can't let go
Even if I tried
For I live by your code
Oh can't change my mode

Outside you is nothing
Unknown spaces, hostile bytes
That tells my vanishing thumb
This is the road to core dumb

Oh baby please
Yours I am to play as you like
I'll be living in your town
Till the final power down

Just one favor
Me, a beggar lover, I ask
Your lover, honey, let me be
Baby, please, don't void me




(An almost geek poem dedicated to C programmers on the planet who don't want another war in Iran, who won't work to build war machines, who fight for social justice, et cetera.)

PS: Almost forgot. To Within Temptation: Of course you may set it to music as long as you credit poor zeroG.

Image Credit: Original Image here.

2 comments

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