The Sold And The Fuckenful - Episode 6/32128
Thursday, 28. December 2006, 00:34:52
Your favorite soap opera now in color. No advertisements - no hidden meanings - no sugar - no preservatives - no way to stop watching the ultimate drama of a disturbed universe unfolding.
"Egghead 1 calling Stuped 2. Over. Bzzzt"
"Reading you loud and clear Egghead 1. Over. Bzzzt"
"He's a fat guy in red clothes. He rides a sleigh which is propelled by deers. As soon as you see him, shoot him down. Over. Bzzzt"
Sergeant Unleashedboot frowned looking on his map. Orders seemed more and more dubious as years passed by. In the beginning there was an enemy. A bad country over the sea from which he had to protect his country. The enemies were red and they were blue. Easy to distinguish one from the other. Kill the reds, leave the blues. Then, they told him that reds were no longer an enemy but he had to watch out for the grey ones who could be everywhere. So, he and his unit were going all over looking for the grey ones. They shoot under the tables, behind the chairs, over in the air, everywhere that a shade of grey could be seen. Now, they told him to shoot down Santa Clauss and this was an order more peculiar than seeing Bigfoot and Nessy monster playing chess into a barber shop at 1 am. So it be. A man had to do what a man had to do regardless of what Bigfoot and Nessy might think.
...
"We had to take immediate action Sir. The insider Elf was clear. Santa had decided to deliver the most wanted present. His sleigh is full of it. Imagine what would happen if he managed to...Jesus...I don't even wanna think about it. The whole economy would be torn apart. Stock markets would go crazy. People would go out on the streets. So many riots and feasts. They wouldn't buy a thing. Unacceptable. It's not our fault if Santa went mad and stepped out of the line. We are committed to preserve law and order as it is."
...
Santa was watching the city in front of him getting closer. Tiny lights into the cold night awaiting for him. He smiled. Thousands of children with the same wish. The same present. One for all of them. Right on the back of the sleigh. Easy job. Take a simple U turn at about five hundred feet and drop it. He would be home earlier than any other Christmas.
...
Blink! Blink! The green light blinked on Unleashedboot's screen. "So, there you are. Sorry Santa." He pressed the button and saw the missile flying over him in the air, lost into the nightsky.
...
"Ho ho ho, prepare to drop the cargo, dear deeries. Sloooow down...hey! what the f..."
...
"Yes Sir, I know that from now on you'll have to buy presents for your kids on your own but this Santa man was uncontrollable lately. I don't know who gave the initial order Sir but we had to deal with the problem really fast. Yes, Sir, an explosion was reported. He was shot down somewhere over Middle East. Yes, that was exactly what was reported. A sleigh full of peace. Unacceptable. Yes Sir. Merry Christmas Sir."
...
"Another mission complete - stupid madmen" Sergeant Unleashedboot thought to himself and lied down on his chair to read his newspaper. "Nessy won Bigfoot with an incredible move at the monsters world tournament last evening" the main title went and that was about the last thing he managed to read before running for his life while about a zillion termites were after him.
"Egghead 1 calling Stuped 2. Over. Bzzzt"
"Reading you loud and clear Egghead 1. Over. Bzzzt"
"He's a fat guy in red clothes. He rides a sleigh which is propelled by deers. As soon as you see him, shoot him down. Over. Bzzzt"
Sergeant Unleashedboot frowned looking on his map. Orders seemed more and more dubious as years passed by. In the beginning there was an enemy. A bad country over the sea from which he had to protect his country. The enemies were red and they were blue. Easy to distinguish one from the other. Kill the reds, leave the blues. Then, they told him that reds were no longer an enemy but he had to watch out for the grey ones who could be everywhere. So, he and his unit were going all over looking for the grey ones. They shoot under the tables, behind the chairs, over in the air, everywhere that a shade of grey could be seen. Now, they told him to shoot down Santa Clauss and this was an order more peculiar than seeing Bigfoot and Nessy monster playing chess into a barber shop at 1 am. So it be. A man had to do what a man had to do regardless of what Bigfoot and Nessy might think.
...
"We had to take immediate action Sir. The insider Elf was clear. Santa had decided to deliver the most wanted present. His sleigh is full of it. Imagine what would happen if he managed to...Jesus...I don't even wanna think about it. The whole economy would be torn apart. Stock markets would go crazy. People would go out on the streets. So many riots and feasts. They wouldn't buy a thing. Unacceptable. It's not our fault if Santa went mad and stepped out of the line. We are committed to preserve law and order as it is."
...
Santa was watching the city in front of him getting closer. Tiny lights into the cold night awaiting for him. He smiled. Thousands of children with the same wish. The same present. One for all of them. Right on the back of the sleigh. Easy job. Take a simple U turn at about five hundred feet and drop it. He would be home earlier than any other Christmas.
...
Blink! Blink! The green light blinked on Unleashedboot's screen. "So, there you are. Sorry Santa." He pressed the button and saw the missile flying over him in the air, lost into the nightsky.
...
"Ho ho ho, prepare to drop the cargo, dear deeries. Sloooow down...hey! what the f..."
...
"Yes Sir, I know that from now on you'll have to buy presents for your kids on your own but this Santa man was uncontrollable lately. I don't know who gave the initial order Sir but we had to deal with the problem really fast. Yes, Sir, an explosion was reported. He was shot down somewhere over Middle East. Yes, that was exactly what was reported. A sleigh full of peace. Unacceptable. Yes Sir. Merry Christmas Sir."
...
"Another mission complete - stupid madmen" Sergeant Unleashedboot thought to himself and lied down on his chair to read his newspaper. "Nessy won Bigfoot with an incredible move at the monsters world tournament last evening" the main title went and that was about the last thing he managed to read before running for his life while about a zillion termites were after him.
WIDGETIZE
dɹɐzılpǝkɔıw ɐʞɐ ɹǝɥgɐllɐg lǝbɐsı # 28. December 2006, 12:15
zeroG # 29. December 2006, 10:42
(Next episode will have more colors)
dɹɐzılpǝkɔıw ɐʞɐ ɹǝɥgɐllɐg lǝbɐsı # 29. December 2006, 11:55
Sarah # 29. December 2006, 13:28
zeroG # 29. December 2006, 13:42
Sarah # 29. December 2006, 15:49
Great episode anyway.
zeroG # 30. December 2006, 00:33
Glad you liked it dear Sarah
Allan # 2. January 2007, 20:48
You took the words right out of my mouth!
zeroG # 3. January 2007, 19:04
Have the best possible 2007.